Malinda Lo
Blog
Oct 1, 2010
It Gets Better: A message for LGBT teens
Like many of you this week, I’ve been completely stunned to learn that six teens have committed suicide because of homophobic bullying. Stunned — and angry.
This is 2010. This fall, we’ve seen an incredible series of victories for gay rights in the federal courts. And yet: Teens are still being bullied for being perceived as gay — with fatal results.
In response to these tragic and senseless deaths, Dan Savage has begun a project on YouTube called the It Gets Better Project, in which LGBT people from all walks of life upload videos talking to those who might feel bullied or harassed right now for being queer. I watched a bunch of these videos yesterday, feeling alternately inspired and heartbroken.
When I was a teen, I didn’t even realize I could be gay, and thankfully, I was never truly bullied in high school. But when I came out in college, I suffered through a bout of serious, clinical depression centered on my sexual orientation. When you’re at the bottom of that tunnel, it really does seem like there’s no way out.
But there is. There is always a way out — a way that involves living and breathing and, ultimately, celebrating your right to be who you are: gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, straight, human.
So, inspired by the It Gets Better Project, I convinced my partner Amy to sit down with me and tell her story, along with ours. This is our contribution to the conversation. For everyone out there who feels like they’re never going to make it out of the closet, remember: It does get better.
Great post, guys! Love it.
I currently asked a gay friend of mine if he thought I was stright when we became friends and he was honest when he said “I thought you were a lesbian till you told me you had a boyfriend.” and recently over the summer after coming out to myself I realized I was bisexual and I honestly tell a lot of people who are happy for me being me. My mom still hasn’t come to terms with it and sees it as a phase. But what can you do? Not everyone will be accepting.
Yeah, I didn’t think it was an option during high school either. As goofy as that kind of sounds to me now. Didn’t figure out until I was a junior at a small, all women’s Catholic college in the midwest. It sucked. I spent a year and a half being terrified and didn’t come out to anyone until senior year and even then, I only told about three people (not counting the person who is now my girlfriend). Now though I’m much more comfortable in my own skin to the point where I’m able to tell people I don’t know as well without having a panic attack. Change of location certainly helped with that though! And knowing there really are people out there like me and that it truly does get better!
Great post, it was nice to ‘meet’ Amy and your dog too. I loved the painting on the wall behind you, did you make it in your abstract class?
Battlestar Galactica! You and Amy have great taste. (On the other hand, I think pie is a waste of perfectly good fruit…)
Great video.
Love this. Thank you so much for sharing your stories.
This is wonderful, Malinda. I’m so excited about meeting you next week at Sirens.
Would you consider adding this video to the The We Got Your Back Project, too?
Hi Shveta! I clicked through to that page and though I looked through several linked pages, I can’t quite figure out where to submit it to? But the video is publicly available on YouTube and can be embedded anywhere, so it’s totally available to be added to their list of videos/posts/whatever, whenever it happens. I look forward to meeting you next week, too.
JJ, them’s fightin’ words.
PIE is, I would say, the most perfect expression of fruit on the planet.
Hi Rachel! The one on the left (multicolored) was from the painting class. The one on the right is in-progress.
Very true! I’m glad you’ve made it out, Sam.
Kate, give your mom some time. In my experience, all of my friends’ parents who’ve been homophobic at first ultimately do come to accept their kids. I know that doesn’t happen to everyone, but it’s more likely than not, I truly believe it.
This is such a wonderful video, Malinda (LOVE me that Battlestar Galactica!) I too have been really disturbed by these recent deaths and inspired by Dan Savage’s project to realize – stories do and can make a difference. In fact, it’s a horrid, heteronormative narrative that says that all kids must be a certain way that paved the way for all this stigma. I think videos (and books) like yours help change the narrative! I could blather all day about this, but instead, here’s where I actually do: KUDOS! http://storiesaregoodmedicine.blogspot.com/2010/10/kids-are-dying-can-stories-help.html
Hi Malinda & Amy!
Thank you for the heartfelt video & this post.
I hope that troubled children & teens see your video, for it will surely help.
Love & Best Wishes,
Rob
Thank you for this Malinda.
Thank you Malinda and Amy!
Malinda – I loved this for a number of reasons. Firstly, because I too have been watching those videos for the past few days and I am really inspired by them. I may have to drag my girlfriend out of online hiding to do one too, because I think their message is so important.
Secondly, I love how you met online. My girlfriend Kelly and I met online (6 and a half years ago now, wow!) and it worked out wonderfully for us too.
I was maybe in the minority in that my coming out was relatively easy and my parents and friends were very accepting almost right away. But I have known a lot of friends who have not had it so easy, and this is why I think the overall message is so important.
P.S. Can’t wait for your next novel…and I love that your group of friends in High School turned out to be gay – the exact same thing happened to me! Who says gaydar doesn’t exist?
Cutest video ever! May you have at least 50 more years together!
xo
Lisa
Great video.
Seems that your dog agree (at the end of the video) with you both that it will get better.
Completely adorable video – thanks, you guys!!