Malinda Lo
Blog
Jun 8, 2010
Avoiding LGBTQ Stereotypes in YA Fiction, Part 2: Gender
Yesterday, in part 1 of this series, I blogged about major LGBTQ stereotypes. Today I’m blogging about gender. Once again, here’s the complete schedule of posts:
Part 1: Major LGBTQ stereotypes
Part 2: Gender
Part 3: Words to watch out for
Part 4: Secondary characters and gay jokes
Part 5: Resources
If you haven’t read yesterday’s post, you might want to check it out before you read today’s. On to part 2 …
Gender
It’s easy to dismiss the stereotypes I blogged about yesterday as homophobic, and to say to yourself, “I’m not homophobic, so I would never write like that.” But many of those stereotypes stem from something else: gender.
Gender is a concept that most people believe they understand, but in order to truly unpack what it means and how it affects representations of LGBTQ people, you have to look deeper than the surface meaning.
First, gender is not the same as sex.
Sex is an individual’s biological classification as male or female.
What is gender?
Gender consists of the social meanings that cultures assign to those biological differences.
For example, in contemporary American society, we have many beliefs about what a woman is. These include her appearance (her hair length, whether she wears makeup, the clothes she wears); the way she speaks (is her voice modulated and soft? is she strident?); even the way she moves (does she walk with a feminine gait?).
Marilyn Monroe (left), k.d. lang (right)
Consider the way you get up and get ready for the day. You probably brush your teeth before heading out of the house, but you might also wash your face with particular facial cleansing products. You might do your hair in a particular hairstyle — do you wear it in a pony tail? Do you clip it back with a comb? Do you blow dry it and then use styling products?
You might also apply makeup — anything from simple lipgloss and powder to full-on foundation, eye makeup, blush, etc. You might put on earrings or other jewelry. When you get dressed, you choose whether to wear trousers or jeans or a skirt and blouse, or a dress. You choose which shoes to wear: sneakers? heels? sandals?
By the time you’ve left the house, you’ve put on a public persona. When you do this every day, day in and day out, you essentially create your gender identity. This is what queer theorist Judith Butler calls gender performativity1. It’s about the everyday things you do, repeatedly, that mark you as a woman or a man.
Now, beneath the clothing and makeup and shoes and hairstyle, biologically you have a particular sex. That does not change according to what you wear. But your gender can appear markedly different depending on how you present your body to the public.
This is gender expression.
Gender expression is how a person behaves, appears, or presents oneself with regard to societal expectations of gender.
If a girl chooses to wear combat boots and baggy jeans instead of a frilly pink dress, that is a kind of gender expression.
If you think back on the stereotypes I talked about, you’ll see that many of them relate to gender expression. The belief that a feminine boy is unnatural relates to societal beliefs about what makes a man. The belief that a girl should cross her legs and act demure, instead of taking up as much room on the subway as a boy her own age, is about societal beliefs about women. These are issues of gender.
These societal expectations about gender often constrain us in our daily lives. I think that often times people find it easier to be gay-friendly than to accept people who are genderqueer2. I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard someone express the belief that it’s fine for so-and-so to be gay, but why does she have to dress like a man? It even happens within the queer community.
Obviously, not everyone is comfortable with people who choose to express their gender in nontraditional ways. The reason I’m writing an entire blog post specifically about gender is because I find that many people don’t understand the way that gender often underscores — unconsciously, even — homophobia.
These social beliefs about what makes a woman a “real” woman can be extremely constraining to someone who does not fall within heterosexual norms. As a writer, I believe it’s your responsibility to understand what makes a character who they are. There is no “right” way to write about gay characters, but it’s very important to take an honest look at your assumptions.
So I encourage you to think about your assumptions about gender and gender expression, especially when you’re writing about queer characters. Be aware of your own beliefs, so that your characters can have their own beliefs.
* * *
Do you have any questions about gender? An experience to share? Please note: Comments will be moderated, and homophobia is not tolerated on my website.
This is actually something I’m curious about. Caveat: I’m completely ignorant of the GLBTQ community. I’m sure this stuff has been discussed to death, so my apologies.
Girls can be tomboys without worry of violence – but not ‘butch,’ which you mention yesterday. How does society mark the difference? Is it through this sort of gender expression, like the picture of k.d. – she’s in a ‘masculine’ suit, not just wearing pants instead of a skirt. Is that it? Why is being a tomboy okay, but there is NO acceptable counterpart for any femininity in a boy?
(Does any of this trace back, societally, to the women’s lib movement and the overarching patriarchy of civilization, men must be men but women can be like men – must be like men – if they want to succeed, so why would a man unvalue himself by being like a woman?)
Thanks for your question, Jess. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, actually — I do think it’s about the underlying history of patriarchy and sexism. Manliness and masculinity are things to aspire to, whereas femininity is often looked down upon as weak or emasculating.
I think there’s a point at which a girl can be “too” tomboyish, and acceptance of that flips to rejection. I think this often happens during adolescence. It’s OK for a young girl to be a tomboy, but once puberty hits and that girl is supposed to be learning how to be a woman, she is often expected to leave those tomboy days behind. Those who don’t leave that behind DO face threats of violence.
Malinda,
I so agree that many of us have more trouble dealing with those who are “genderqueer” (I admit as an old person I am resistant to that term for some reason) than those who are lesbian, gay or bisexual. I am currently working on a novel that takes place at an all-boys’ boarding school, and the vast majority of my male characters are fairly open to issues of sexual orientation. These boys are far less willing to accept other boys whose gender expression does not meet expectation. I wrote it based on what I saw at such a school in Massachusetts. Gay may soon be okay; queer, sadly, seems to be lagging behind. Thanks for the thought-provoking post.
very interesting thought provoking posts on your blog.
i DO think there are fundamental differences between men
and women. but when these manifest itself in differences in
power or status, it’s an issue. and i honestly don’t know how
that can change. i don’t think a society that dressed androgenously
would be the solution? (actually, i know when it would change, when men and women can be seen as different but utter equals. when the power balances as perceived by society are balanced. not sure if that will ever happen.)
i think w gender (as w so many things) it is both nature and nurture.
clothing def the tip but you know we judge so much on appearances.
i’ve always actually admired women who wielded their beauty and
femininity as a sort of armor or weapon.
i took a great class called Sociology of Deviance in undergrad.
and a cross dressing dad (straight) told us about how he got
yelled at for putting his little boy in “girlish” colored clothes at
the supermarket. there is def the notion that anything “emasculating” is giving away that power.
I really don’t have anything to add, but I wanted to thank you, Malinda, for these fabulous blog posts.
I think it has to do with society’s love of black-or-white thinking. If you are solidly one or another, it’s okay, but when you add shades of gray, people get confused and lash out. Unfortunately, gender and sexuality are a continuum, and full of variety (well, I actually love variety, but society in general doesn’t).
Anyway, thanks again for these posts. You are awesome.
Great posts on gender and sexuality, but I do have one comment on the assertion that sex is biologically male or female. This is also a construction since a small but significant percentage of the population (that adds up to a considerable number of people) is intersex. Actually there’s a fantastic book on this by Anne Fausto-Sterling: Sexing the Body. It’s truly mind-blowing. When you take away that biological binary it basically tears down the entire house. Can you tell I teach gender studies?
I think my academia is showing.
Thanks for the post! We need more ‘guides’ like this. And discussion around them.
Hi Bill, thanks for your comment! I understand about “genderqueer” being difficult; it took me a while to accept it myself. I’m sorry to hear about your experiences at that school, but I totally believe you. I think gender is the next big battle.
Thanks for commenting! This is interesting — your point about not knowing if power balances across gender will ever happen. I feel that we have made a lot of progress in the last century — amazing progress. I think that everybody can make a difference at their own individual and local level. This blog post, even, is my attempt to make a little bit of difference. So, I think we have to believe that change can happen. (I know I sound like an Obama ad.) And we can work on it in our own way.
Thanks, Larissa.
And you’re welcome!
Thanks for your comment, Melissa. You know, I actually started a whole paragraph about intersex and how male and female are not the only genders … and then I decided that was way too much information for this post.
Thanks for bringing it up.
i think i see it as a challenge as women will always be the one to give birth. and in this society, there is no ack of that or nurturing of it. it’s like, either you be like a Man and work like a Man or you can stay home and rear babies. i’ve seen how different it is in canada and europe, where they believe in the importance of family and welcome mothers back into the work force.
in american society, it just isn’t there. and i think that’s really a detriment to our culture. you get women who try to Do It All and are miserable and stressed. the average maternity leave is six,then you use up all your sick and vacation to get a little more time.
to me, it’s tragic.
of course, not ALL women want to have babies. but many do! and i just don’t see the ack of what a tremendous gift that is–it is seen more as a Burden or an Illness. as a detriment to the employer.
i, too, believe in change and we’ve made a lot of progress. but we would need a tremendous alteration in our thinking before we reach gender equality.
*average maternity leave is six WEEKS
not enough time at all.
I hear your pain, Cindy! I think that what you’re talking about is more about sexism than gender, although the two are definitely intertwined. I know I keep beating this point to death, but I do want to draw writers’ attention to gender and the way their assumptions about it inform their writing.
It is SO easy to slip from a discussion about gender into sexism, because obviously sexism informs our understanding of gender. I may sound a bit academic here, but I think it’s an important distinction.
I think it’s an interesting assertion, and something that almost defines the nature of much of feminism today; that across sexes there is a valuation of masculinity and a devaluation of feminity–but of course, just to a point.
I had a professor who did most of her research on women in the American military, and she talked a lot about the fine line women had to tread between being strong and competent enough for the military but weak and, if you will allow, ‘feminine’ enough, to not be perceived as a lesbian (for which she could be dismissed from service). The professor told us how women would ask men for help carrying things that they could actually carry themselves (among many, many other things) in order to preserve those aspects of their perceived femininity.
Just a thought
Hi Malinda
By the looks of the dates on the various comments people have left here, I seem to be a little late to the discussion. However, I just wanted to thank you for writing this particular post. It was extremely thought provoking, especially giving the fact that I am a straight female who perfers leggings and big t-shirts over tight fitted jeans and tops.