Malinda Lo
Blog
Apr 20, 2009
New Notes & Queeries: The Trouble with “Bisexual” … and a million thanks to all who read it
I got back from my offline writing retreat to discover that my latest Notes & Queeries column, titled “The Trouble with ‘Bisexual,’” was published on AfterEllen.com Sunday night. Can I just say: WOW on the response.
If you haven’t read it, you can go here to check it out. In my column, I wrote about my own coming-out story. I was inspired by two unrelated things that happened over the past month: Clementine Ford’s coming out, and an episode of Oprah on the concept of sexual fluidity.
This was both one of the easiest and most difficult columns I’ve written. Once I decided to tell my own coming-out story, it came relatively quickly, because I lived through that part. (That’s one thing that I have always loved about creative nonfiction and memoir: I don’t have to make anything up! I just have to remember.) But it was difficult because, frankly, I was really scared to reveal it to “the public.” I think this column is the most personal one I’ve written for AfterEllen, and it’s definitely the most personal thing I’ve ever had published.
Given the fact that bisexuality is often a hot-button topic in the lesbian community, I was also just plain nervous to reveal my own bisexual past. But I was floored by how many of the responses were women writing in to say that they, too, had had similar experiences.
Thank you so much to all of you who commented and shared your experiences. And thank you for being so generous with your praise. You really are amazing!
Thank you! You are an amazing writer …. This truly was so timely in the world and especially my life. Oh labels. We live in a world so full of them. “If someone only sees a few of the labels that describe me, that doesn’t negate those that they don’t see.” At this point I was crying. I so appreciate this article.
warm regards,
Sara
What a wonderful, courageous piece. I too had a hard time at the beginning identifying myself as a lesbian. The thought scared me to death. That was a long time ago and now I have been in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful women for 31 years this May. We continue to have a beautiful life together, but I still have never been out in any job I have had throughout my life. Part of me is still scared. I lost my teaching job of 18 years in a all boys high school. You would think that that would be a safe place for me, but it was a Catholic School. Thanks for your courage to share your story. It was wonderful and very giving.
Diana
Sara, you are very welcome. And your photos are beautiful, too!
Congratulations on 31 years! That is wonderful. Thanks for sharing some of your story, too.
I only now found the time to read it, and I think it’s wonderful and some of what you write is so true. I guess we all tend to struggle with the labels that people put on us, we want them to see not only one particular side of us, but us as a whole person. I agree with you that there are only very few people in our lives that are capable of that.
Thanks for your courage to share such a personal story. I love your style and what you write about, it always inspires me to improve as a writer myself.
Thank you for that nice piece of work!
I’m happy these days not to put any labels on myself these days. It’s just confusing for me as I still think that I fell in love with a person – who happens to be a woman.
My girlfriend and I have been happily together for 7 years. I know I will love her equally if she were a man.