Malinda Lo

Marriage is a such a complicated word. I used to think it was an archaic concept out of touch with today, because in many, many cultures, it was a contractual bond between a man and a woman for the purpose of ensuring property rights. If this sounds a bit brutal, consider that marriage between members of the aristocracy was often a means of forging political alliances, and rarely for romantic love. Marriage in the lower classes was more likely to give consideration to romantic love because less property was involved.

I’m sure that given the fact that the people involved were human, some of them inconveniently fell in love with each other, but generally speaking, the wife’s job was to give birth to an heir (usually a male son), and the husband’s job was to provide for them. Did I mention that the bride herself had little or no say in the matter?

It sounds like something out of long-ago and far away, but this kind of practice was alive and well scarcely a century ago in China. I would guess that it is still being practiced in some cultures today.

But not in ours. Not by a long shot.

My indignation about the institution of marriage was stoked by a lot of anthropology courses, as well as a willful blindness to evidence that these marriage contracts could, in some cases, be manipulated by the women involved for their own benefit. Obviously, being a woman in a pre-feminist, androcentric culture was no Sex and the City, but it wasn’t always Clan of the Cave Bear, either.

The fact is, the institution of marriage changes. It is still changing. As NCLR’s executive director, Kate Kendell, said in her Forum appearance last week, marriage has evolved so that women now have rights within it. It has evolved to include people of different races. It is now evolving to include same-sex couples. And I think when this union between two people includes two people of the same sex, most of those traditional limitations simply crumble. These days, in most of the world, marriage is about two people making a commitment to care for each other for the remainder of their lives.

And yes, it is different to say “I’m married” than “I’m in a civil union” or “I’m domestically partnered.” Come on. Anybody who thinks they’re the same is fooling themselves.

That’s why I’m voting no on Proposition 8. And it doesn’t hurt that there’s this great 8 Against 8 campaign, in which eight lesbian bloggers, including a few of my faves (Dorothy Surrenders and Grace the Spot, plus, the Sugarbutch Chronicles is just sexy) are banding together to raise $8,000 to fight Prop. 8. It’s three days into their eight-day fundraising initiative — which is just about as grassroots as you can get — and they’ve already raised $ 7,284 as of Wednesday at noon! You can help them meet exceed their goal by donating here.

This election season has been interminably long, and I admit I am exhausted by it. But this is one cause I can support entirely. A couple of months ago I remember feeling a little self-conscious when I was with my girlfriend in an area that wasn’t necessarily gay-friendly — the kind of place that makes you wonder whether it’s a good idea to hold holds in public. But I surprised myself by thinking: I can get married to another woman now, in California. Who cares if these people don’t like it? And I held her hand.

That’s why I believe in marriage.